It's been 15 months since the pandemic began and we're now in the month of May, which happens to be Mental Health Awareness month. So, I would like to start this blog post by asking you all, "How is your mental health at the moment?" 

I believe it is safe to say that there has been quite an uptick in the visibility and conversations that surround mental health and mental illness - in huge part to the pandemic. The pandemic has caused a widespread panic, to say the least, that has triggered so much uncertainty and unveiled all at once a massive global and societal issue that has been present all along. When "mental health" is put on the global stage and amplified by the monster of social media, it's pretty damn hard to turn your back and ignore. This is especially true for people who were experiencing the first challenges with their mental health. 

In a very strange way, I am grateful for the pandemic and the attention it has brought to the elephant in the room, because mental illness or mental disorders are not going anywhere - and they really have been part of people's lives since the beginning of time. I do however want to give caution to having this very important subject and field being used as a social media trend. The current popularity of Tik Tok vids and Instagram Reels, with a person pointing to caption bubbles that give the bare minimum definition of anxiety and is set to some pop song, is not what should be relied on as diagnosis or treatment. Of course, this may be shared or have a million views and can create much-needed conversations - but the real work needs to come from the person who deserves to be treated and granted true professional support. 

I personally am challenged with anxiety and panic attack disorder mixed with some other mental health bits and bobs. The way I am and what can happen to me is all I have ever known, but why I struggle is a fairly new understanding that has taken shape over the past couple of years. I was very worried and quite frankly... terrified to seek any kind of help or treatment because of the shame that stems from mental health and being called "crazy" or compared to very unstable people in my family. I was first diagnosed with post-partum depression after the delivery of my oldest child nearly 14 years ago. I was 24 years old and placed on medication to treat my symptoms. I was so ashamed and to this day have so much regret of my motherly role, or lack thereof, with my firstborn. I should have then been following up with a clinical psychiatrist and been in therapy. But, I knew no better and didn't even know what questions I should be asking my OBGYN to figure out what to do other than take the meds that were prescribed to me at the time. This pattern occurred on and off for many years, and after each delivery of my three children, I was put on medication and I just thought that my feelings of the lowest kind of low were the best that my life would ever be. Now looking back after many years of struggles with medications and treatment, I now wish I had sought out help and a treatment plan from a psychiatrist. It would have saved me years of misdiagnosis and the wrong medications that were given to me. 

I finally did seek out help from a doctor whose primary focus and practice is mental health. My psychiatrist truly saved my life. After years of being treated by general practitioners or my OBGYN, I was finally being treated by the doctor that I needed the most. It was like I was going to an orthopedic doctor to seek treatment for a dental cavity. It just didn't make sense, and why none of those doctors ever suggested I go see a specialist for my mental health... I will never understand it. 

It was with my amazing psychiatrist who rediagnosed me and took me off medications that were never suited for me, and put me on the right path. I may have been at one point suffering from post-partum depression, but I was actually not a depressed person and the medications I was on were making me worse and not better. I was officially diagnosed with Anxiety, ADHD, and OCD. It seems like a lot, and it is, but now that I am on the proper medications for my disorders and treatment plan, I am finally living the life that I had always so wished I could have. 

I have been in therapy on and off for several years, but when the pandemic took shape, I took the shift with my schedule to really grasp and pull myself out of the deepest and darkest hole that only a good therapist could guide me through. For a year now, I have been consistently having weekly or bi-weekly sessions and have been uncovering years and years of buried feelings that were brought on from a traumatic childhood, but also events that have occurred into my adulthood. It is not easy nor fun to have to peel back the layers and revisit mistakes and my mishaps. But to be able to feel free and live my life in truth has been one of the most amazing feeling of relief and freedom ever. 

I am grateful for the destigmatizing of mental health issues that are occurring on social media, but please see my example as one that illustrates that this is serious, deep, and takes much more after care that is often missing when discussing this on Instagram or other social media. My hope by shining light on my own mental health, maybe someone can relate and take the first steps to improve their lives too. Everyone deserves a good life that is peaceful and joyful. But you have to do the work to live in that place. I know that I can't just pop a pill and all will be well for me. It's not that easy and never will be. I will always have to pair my treatment with many different practices. Therapy, exercise, journaling, setting boundaries, and more. I also can't stress enough that if you are struggling or concerned for yourself or someone you know about mental health, then seek out professional help! And even then, you may have to go through some different doctors before you find the right fit for you. But it is crucial to develop that bond and relationship with your doctor, in order to have trust and respect, and feel safe and protected so that you can begin some of the hardest work ever.

In ending this post I do want to commend anyone for their acknowledgment and vulnerability when addressing their mental health. I would also like to share the light to life partners, spouses, friends, co-workers, or family that continue to help and support their loved ones who are challenged by their mental state and who give compassion and empathy. There are so many wonderful and beneficial resources out there these days including people to follow on Instagram. Some of my favorite advocates to follow and check in with are: what.is.mental.illness, the cognitive corner, hannah d blum, doc_amen, mind love podcast, and i_weigh. Maybe you will enjoy them too.